Tanners Hero's

Grandpa Dick and Josh. What great hero's to have. These are some of the best people Tanner looks up to. Grandpa Dick was his work partner this summer until it got could and he flew south. Tanner would work out to the shop almost everyday with him. ( I say almost everyday because they each had a few days off for very important things: like riding) One day I asked Tanner if it was lonely out there, because Scott would have him do things like cleaning out rat infested sheds in the back with not many people around. He said "No Mom, I get lunch with Grandpa!" . All of these kids have a special relationship with Grandpa Dick. When they were little, Tanner came home and told me that Grandpa Dick would let them swear. So I made Tanner call and apologize. Grandpa just told Tanner "Your not supposed to tell your Mom!". Then there is Josh. This is a picture of Josh and Tanner on their all nighter game before Josh left on his mission. Josh is such a great strength and has been for Tanner. He and Josh are 6 months apart. Have been very best friends always. They have been there for each other through it all. Josh was always the mellow one. Josh told me he new he was in trouble with Tanner when his lips would tighten. We also watched this on the wrestling matches, we knew it was over when Tanner would make this face. I knew this would be a hard time for Tanner when the time would come for Josh's departure. Josh spent endless hours at the hospital with Tanner, time that he needed. For many great people like Josh, Tanner didn't much spend time alone and scared of what he had to face. On the morning we said goodbye to Josh, we drove away and I was surprised by Tanners response. He said "I am so excited for him! It is going to be an adventure." We all know it is the right thing for Josh, and by this it helps turn the pain of missing him into excitement for him. That night Tanner told me he only wished he could have stood and gave him a hug. I told him Josh is in the MTC for 9 weeks. You might be able to at the airport. I know they discourage this, but for this I think they would let you. So that is now one of Tanner's goals is to be able to stand in 9 weeks. (whatever this looks like it is something good shoot for.)

Tanners progress is going a snail pace, but it is a pace. He can still move his toes and his know having a little movement at the knee and hamstring It is still a roller coaster, which sometimes the uphills feels that the engine is out and I am pushing! I want you all to know we feel your prayers. I know they are working, so please keep them coming. I appreciate the thoughts and dreams that people communicate with me. I have had many tell me of dreams they have had where Tanner is walking. They touch me deeply and I know it is the voice of not to give up!

Even if we move at snail pace. I keep telling myself pace is good!

Thanks again for the support and love.

We love you all! Stacie

Pictures are worth a thousand words!

These pictures explain a little. I have

run out of words for know, because I

have to go to bed. I wanted to share with you

what we have been experiencing with friends and others.

Never a dull moment. I will explain more tomorrow.

One think I have to hand to Tanner he

listens to me and trusts that I am doing what ever

I can to help him. Boy, do I love this boy!!! Even through all this he

has his sense of humor and makes us all laugh!

Saturday January 11th

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This was a day that Tanner has been looking forward to.

It was the USRA Banquet they have at the end of the year.

Tanner had taken 1st place in the Amateur division.

Almost every race he would have someone protest because

he would not only take 1st in the Amateurs, but he

would end up 15 overall. Which meant he would beat

alot of pro's. In a Worx race Tanner took 11th, If he would

of taken 10th he would have been disqualified. Lucky!

Tanner is now moved up to expert. He said they won't

be able to complain for awhile. But he will be back.

( we will let him believe that for know, mom has to think

hard about it.)It is one of those things we won't think

to far ahead. Whatever it takes to motivate him! He did

go buy a new Helmet and Jacket with some yamaha

bucks he had won at a race. He picked the same one as

Gavin so the are going to be a matching team. I am sure

you are thinking, what are you thinking that you would

let your kids ride anymore? But after a car crash you still

drive a car. Can you tell I am trying to justify this crazy

thinking? Anyways, after the banquet they came back and

have boxing matches. I bought these one Christmas,

thinking the boys could take there aggression out safely.

They are supposed to wear head gear also. They forget

that when mom is not here. Scott thought I was crazy,

and yes I probably am to promote this. Again what was I thinking?

Good times and Bad times.

My heart is full tonight. I truly want everyone to know that you have
lightened my load and help me through the hardest thing I have ever
had to do. I can't imagine bringing Tanner home to anything else but
what he has. To help him maintain his sense of Independence and privacy.
I know this has made it so much easier on our family and Tanner.
I am not sure if my kids could agree with the easy part. It has taken its
toll on each of them also.

I try to talk to Tanner as we get him ready for bed to find out how he feels.
He is not a kid of many words or quick decisions. I ask him what color of
shower curtain, he says surprise me! Brenda gives him many wonderful
choices of dinners for tomorrow and he says "Surprise me". So sometimes,
I can get a few more words that have great meaning behind them.
Trying to figure out what are is frustration, and how we can work
through them. He can't go to far with out communication or we are both
in a bad place. So I try to talk at times like bedtime. Tonight it was
heart wrenching to see him in a place of wondering what is to be. As I
stroke his hair and think of my little boy, never thinking that he would
have to figure things out from a new prospective. I have pictures of him
trying to get off the floor onto an ottoman. He did it but not with ease. Also
he wasn't going to give up until he made it. As I watch his body jerk from the
muscle spasm's in his legs, wondering if he will be able to sleep tonight.
Also thinking of his Cousin Josh lifting him into the excursion, very tender,
and taking him out. How humbling for Tanner, how tender of Josh. Tanner
wondering if he has now just become a tag a long? I asked would you be there
if you weren't having this challenge? His answer was yes, but the feelings are
there. These are things that wrench your heart as a mom. Wishing you
could take this pain away. Yes we do have times like these. And yes we
hope for a better tomorrow. We have already come so far.
After all of that information I just couldn't sleep and figured if I shared a
moment with friends again, I will be lifted. Thanks for the prayers and tears
you share with me.
Much Love,
Stacie

Learn from Yesterday..Live for Today..Hope for Tomorrow.

This is the new saying on Tanner's wall. We are going to
try to remember this. Tanner is still moving his toes
and now can feel a sharp pin. Thank you for all the
support and positive comments. Most of all the Prayers!
When one of our friends daughter heard that Tanner
had moved his toes she said, "It was because she had prayed
alot for him." I know the prayers are being heard. And at
times when you start to wonder things happen to keep the
hope.
I have thought everyday about the updates on the blog. There
has been so many thing I want to share about Tanner, I have
seemed to spend most my time on the phone with the Insurance.
Many, many countless and wasted time!! This has been a challenge
to not only deal with the daily tasks, but also keep up with the
insurance. They denied Tanners wheelchair which was ordered in
the first part of December. But after many phone calls and finding
the right people to help push this through. After nearly 4 weeks
we got the ok yesterday that it will be approved!! Now on to the next
task of his easy stand, which will help him put pressure on his bones
that help them stay strong. So we needed it yesterday! Which I gave the
order last Monday and it is going through the same process. Ok, so
more patients for Stacie to learn!!!
So when I master this challenge It should give me more time to
share good news as it happens. Also pictures! Thanks again for
the many comments and I want you to know that it does help
Tanner to hear from all of you, small or big they all give him
encouragement and let him know that he is in your thoughts. When
he is having his moments he looks through his book or on the computer
and I see smiles! They make a difference, and I thank you for that!

Quick update but Great News!

Tanner can move his left toes! He started the day off not feeling
very good. I told him that he has the right to a bad day, because
he hasn't really had one since he has been home. He was down
and frustrated. Then around 2:00 he was putting on his pants
and concentrated on moving his toes. Something he does often
but very quietly. I received a phone call as I was pulling in my
neighborhood from Gavin. "Mom, Tanner is moving his toes! You
have to get home quick!" As I pulled in the driveway Preston
ran out and told me I have to come in quick! Here are some
pictures of the moment. Then Tanners Grandma had to come
over and see! I will catch up tomorrow with other information.
I wish I had more time to right everything that has happened
to us. I will share them later. Maybe tomorrow I will have more
time. Time is a rare thing around here! I am trying to figure
out a schedule. We weren't very scheduled before so I guess
I need to figure something out. This is my challenge, one of many.
Thanks, again for the prayers and thoughts. They are helping
as you can see everything counts!! We love you all!

Update - Sunday Jan 6th, 6 weeks from Accident

First I want to thank everyone for telling me that Tanner is
going to be ok. I have had a few people ask me if that bothers
me when I hear that. My response is that, that is what is
holding me up. There are times I find myself in doubt, wondering
what is going to be. I try to never go there, but it does happen.
Someone asked Scott "Why this would happen to him when he
does so much for others? Why we are being punished?" Life
happens to everyone. That is not something we have asked
ourselves is "Why?" The other side to that is "Why not?" I
wouldn't wish this upon anyone else. I know that the Lord is
not a punishing God and he would never give us a trial we
would not be able to make it through. With his help of course.
I found this quote from a book that our Cousin gave Tanner
that we often read through together.
FAITH IS NOT COMPLACENT; FAITH IS ACTION.
YOU DON'T HAVE FAITH AND WAIT. WHEN YOU
HAVE FAITH, YOU MOVE.
by Betty Eadie

Through this last 6 weeks not one person has be complacent. The
extreme makeover that was put together in less than 4 weeks.
Which made Tanners transition so much easier. He has no limits
on our main floor. He often goes outside for a stroll. He even got
stuck in the dip in the road when it was dark. His friends were
back at the room playing xbox. Tanner said a car drove by and he
was kind of embarrassed so he stuck it into reverse and got out.
Not sure why he couldn't have taken the sidewalks but they would
have much to easy. The roads were covered in snow. As you
can see he hasn't changed. He is very independent when he wants
to be. One of the hardest things for me is I want to help to much.
I see the simplest things become such a struggle. And when I do
jump in to help he says "Don't Mom, Don't". Kind of of like when your
little child wants to do it himself. I guess this is my chance to learn
patients again!
Tanner is going to the Surgeon tomorrow for his follow up. I will
let you all know what they say. Only the positive! I have told the
Doctors at the hospital that if they don't know 100% I would rather
not hear what they have to say.
Have a great day,
Stacie

Song written for Tanner.

This is a song written for Tanner by Derek, Josh, Ethen, Traci, Emily, Alta and
Tyler. They sung it for us on Christmas eve. I wanted to share the words
with you. Derek wrote the music. Josh and Derek played the acoustic guitars
and the rest sung. Not a dry eye (between Scott and I) in the room.

Never Walk This Path Alone

I saw things just a little bit different
I search for peace somewhere else
Take my hand, look for tomorrow
Never walk this path alone

Hold on just a little bit longer
Battles only make us stronger
Hold on just a little bit longer
Even in your darkest hour

As I looked into the distance
I see a future that is bright
I know the road wont be that easy
Won't give up with out a fight

Hold on just a little bit longer
Battles only make us stronger
Hold on just a little bit longer
Hold on just a little bit longer

Tanners Physical Therapy at Home.

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Catching up with the news and pictures!

So it has been a while since I have updated. Sorry I will try to
stay more on top of this. It seems that we are keeping so busy
and keeping track of all. Gavin is on his way from Mexico with
Gregg's family. He left on Christmas morning and will be home
on Sunday. They were going to try to hit the Anahiem Stadium race,
but he is coming up to Beaver Dam tonight because of the weather.
Preston, Emily, the Miller Boys and Barney boys left yesterday to
go meet Gregg in LA for the race. Know it looks like the will stay
with Grandma and Grandpa for the weekend. There is 9 of them that
went with motorcycles to ride. Always an adventure. So with those
boys gone enjoying themselves we can focus on the other two. I have
learned that we all have our own way of dealing with this. Being a
mom is a challange to help them all through this, when I am trying to
figure it out myself.
Tanners attitude as still been amazing. He has pulled us through
at times when we have our own questions. Not letting him know. He
still has his teasing personallity and entertaining. He seems to
be comfortable with the situation he is in at this time. I think
knowing that it is short term. ( whatever short is ) that is the key
word. As I try to help him put his pants on or anything, because I
get in the hurry mode, or I can do it faster. His comment to me is
"Don't Mom, don't" I feel like I am at that stage once again that
when he was 2 or 3 it was "I can do it myself!" The hardest thing
is to watch him struggle just to do the simplest things. As is muscles
are regaining there strength. He has always been determined, and always
will be. Another trait that will pull him through!
Thank you for the comments and visits with Tanner, he has felt all the
love that has been shared with him. It has helped to bring him this far
and will help carry him the rest of the way. As one of my good friends
told be how she feels that he is going to walk again and make it through
this, as many has done the same. She asked me if that bothered me. I
told her it is what I need I have my times when my spirits go down and
I have my doubts (which I never would want to admit) but these are the
time that I am carried through my times when I feel that I am falling
down. Its all the people like that, that catch me and hold me when I
need it. Once again Thanks from all of us to all of you! We are riding
on many of your wings. We love you all!!
Stacie
Tomorrow I will update on Tanners physical therapy. He is strong and
getting stronger.